Be Present
Opening my email, I read the dreaded phrase “When are you free today? We need to talk.” Nothing else. That was the message.
My mind flashed to bad bosses from my past who used that phrase. I thought about ex-boyfriends who said “We need to talk” and would end the message at that and later, when we talked, they broke up with me. Anxiety boiled to the surface. My heart pounded. My mouth went dry. My mind raced. What did we need to talk about? What did I do wrong? I thought about any mistake I may have made or how I might have angered my client. I couldn’t think of anything I’d done wrong, but that didn’t help.
I couldn’t rearrange my calendar for the rest of the day, so the talk with my client would have to wait. I counted to ten, acknowledged my anxiety, and knew it stemmed from worry about the future. I had to be present in the present. I thought about the Improv training I’d received and how it helped me be a better leader. Yes, improv. A bunch of people standing on a dark stage with stage lighting blinding us from seeing anyone seated in the audience. A ragtag group of people brought together by the love of comedy. I’d signed up for the class at the behest of my friends because they thought I was funny. I didn’t have to be funny to be an Improv whiz. I only had to be present. An empty stage, no props, no costumes, just our voices and facial expressions.
It was the night of “Improv Graduation”, the night of my class’s big performance, the last hoorah. One of my fellow Improv players stepped forward and shouted into the darkened theater, “Let’s hear one of your favorite phrases or words. Let us have ‘em!”
“Purple turtle,” a faceless voice screamed back. Seemed like they’d been waiting to scream that for awhile.
Two players stepped forward and began their scene about a purple turtle.
Someone on stage hollers ‘AND SCENE.” Improv for the end of the act.
Minutes later, the audience, tired from howling while tears streamed down their faces because of the antics of one purple turtle, waited in anticipation of the next scene. The two players retreated to the back of the stage and joined the others as I felt a tug on my sleeve. My partner let me know it was our turn to feed the audience some laughs. My heart thumped as I stepped forward tentatively. “Give us your best shot. What are you dying to laugh about?” my high-pitched voice startled me. This was terrifying, but I wanted to give a good show. This was my big chance to put my improv training into practice.
The First Rule of Improv is “Yes…And”. Your partner sets the scene or gives you a line and you’re there to add to it, to take what they’ve given you and run with it. No rebuttals, no questions, no pushback. Just run with it, add to it, and make things better.
The Second Rule of Improv is “Be Present”.
“GOLF. Make golf funny”, the faceless voice yelled.
“Golf. What do I know about golf? How are we going to make golf funny.” And just then, I forgot the Rules of Improv.
As my scene partner and I created an improvised scene about golf, I hijacked the scene, refuted what she said, and then turned the scene into an interrogation. It wasn’t fun for anyone. I was selfish and created a terrible scene. Someone couldn’t yell “AND SCENE” fast enough. No one did and we suffered on stage, behind the glaring lights for a very, very long time. One of our fellow players finally found a good opening to tag into our scene and save it. THANK YOU, whoever you are. I wish I could remember your name.
I wasn’t present that night and I fell flat. Valuable lesson learned.
Be Present.
When talking with someone, be present. Don’t think about what you’re having for dinner or the meeting you have later with your boss. Or worry about the email you just received that said “We need to talk.” Be present and focus on what the person is saying so you can interact with them and engage in the conversation. With full presence, you’re able to respond appropriately and have a more meaningful conversation.
Be Present.
I’ve found that when I’m fully present, I have more interesting conversations and I learn fun facts about people. I learn more than where someone is from or where they work, what they do in their spare time, and what they like on their pizza, or that we both had the same professor in college. When I’m fully present, whether it’s on client calls or interviewing candidates, I conduct a better call or have a better interview; I can serve the client better and make a better hiring decision.
Be present.
It’s taken me years of practice and it’s a conscious decision to be fully focused on the conversation, but it would have made that golf scene so much funnier if I were present.
In a world full of distractions, it can be challenging to be fully present, to focus on the conversation you’re having.
A few trips and tricks that help bring me back to the Present:
Deep breaths and Box Breathing
Writing out worries and concerns to think about later
Active listening techniques like taking notes during the conversations
Eliminate distractions
Be aware of unconscious biases
The client wanted to talk strategy for an upcoming project. “We need to talk” wasn’t bad at all.
